I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
