I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
