This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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