I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
