I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
