Got a toothbrush?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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