Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
