I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
