I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
