my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
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