Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
