You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
