I wish I could teleport
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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