1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
