Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
