with your own penis?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We are all done wearing pants today
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
