You're a womanizer and a bitch.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
