covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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