Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Come on in and take your pants off
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