Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
