My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
