just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
