Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
