What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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