Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
