PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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