do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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