my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
