This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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