Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
