is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I love having hate sex.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
