Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
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