I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
