I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
