woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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