you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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