a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i permit you to call me
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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