my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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