Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
