If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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