Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
