put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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