Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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