Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
