Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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