you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
