You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
