There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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