Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
