i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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