Got a toothbrush?
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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