OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Randomize
