I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
