Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I can't put those talents on a resume
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
